i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
