Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize