So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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