I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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