she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
