I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
