I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
