just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Randomize
