Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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