Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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