is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Randomize
