If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
