If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
