ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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