R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
