It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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