Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Randomize
