I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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