Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
