Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
