I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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