So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
party gras won. party gras always wins.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
