so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
