i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
