alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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