I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
