Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
