just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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