WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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