he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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