i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize