definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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