My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
