I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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