im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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