Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
