I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
