Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
