She told me I should be a condom model.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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