I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
In America we eat man semen.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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