Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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