i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
