We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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