peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
