So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
