just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
