ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
