3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
