I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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