I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
