high people should be assigned attendants
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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