I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
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