This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
this just has baby written all over it
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
