sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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