Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
