He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
