a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
