he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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