Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Randomize
