omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize