do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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