Hey man sorry I got all grabby
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
they call him Oral-B. enough said
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
