I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
