I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
