if only i could text you this smell
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
