She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
