You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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