I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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