he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
