It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
so let's talk penis.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
