i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
