this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
