Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
