2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
