me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Just invented taco cereal.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
