I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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