That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
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