Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize