last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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