whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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