After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
