I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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