Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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