did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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