can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
