I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
