i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Randomize
