no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
