she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
