there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
You don't make any sense
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