insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
