I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Are we still banned from the library?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
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