Your face is a jimmy john
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
