You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
