false alarm. still invincible.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
The Olympian is in my bed
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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