i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
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