So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
how drunk are you?
Several
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize