You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I wish i was in the wii world.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Randomize
