and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize