I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
