I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
