I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
