wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
