I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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