Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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