Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Randomize
