I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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