So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
