My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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