Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
