You work out of a Hotel?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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