just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Randomize
